Of Fire Starters and Vitamin I

     There is a very big difference between accidentally knocking off the lighted lamp from the lamp stand and lighting up a candlestick and putting it underneath the curtain. What is more annoying is after putting the latter underneath the curtain, the person responsible says “I’m leaving the house for a while and you go and see what happens…”. There’s a violent reaction lurching deep within, wanting to shout out “For heaven’s sake, what has gotten into your mind???” I am trying to filter the words that I want to use as I write this blog. But from within, there is much inner rage wanting to be unleashed. Punches and holes on the wall are far different from burning the whole house down. My mind had been searching for mental fire trucks to soak the blaze of thought that eats up my inner calmness. Playing with fire is never meant to be done inside the house. 

          I hate all that is happening right now. Unfortunately, I am restricted in expressing the rage that is inside my mind. My prayer is that through this writing, my distraught heart and emotion would find tranquility eventually and that I would not go crazy at the end of the day. There is no bigger enemy than the one that resides deep within…ego…and it could really start a fire…Did someone took some Vitamin I pills and say "It's all manageable..."? I hope somebody called the firefighters already. 

Accessibly Isolated

     In the midst of our technologically advanced generation, the presence of an efficient and real-time communication lines and gadgetry brings forth a deeper sense of irony and that is: more people feel isolated. I guess many would be reacting to this statement, but allow me to raise my point before storming me with objections and dissertations about connectivity at this cyber-age.
     Even in the midst of having hi-speed internet, LTE, advanced mobile phones and tablets, there is no guarantee that these massive instruments of connectivity would bridge gaps brought forth by deliberate absence in the different sectors of the society. Calling to check your kids through mobile phones might give you an idea where your children are, but it does not necessary fill-in the need for a loving presence and support. One could watch his or her child playing football or baseball in the field through real-time camera phone recorders, but nothing would substitute the warmth that a child would feel while seeing his or her dad present in bleacher shouting "You can do it baby!!!". Or one could view endlessly his or her child perform in the school-sponsored staging of the "Sound of Music" over You Tube; however nothing compares to the boost that a child could muster in his/her heart when he/she knows that his/her mom is there in the audience watching with pride.
    Isolation and absence in the midst of technology does not only thrive in family relationships. Even among couples, the realization that there when a loved one ignores a call and never return it, nor even sent an SMS, solidifies the paranoia of a person who looks forward for a response through the mobile phone...and the more the person waits...the more the isolating feeling intensifies...
    Are we living in a world that many of our loved ones are so accessible, yet there is that feeling that we are remotely isolated.

Dealing With My Depression

      I have been experiencing depression for quite some time. And as I look inside my self, I realize that the depression that is existing deep within is coming from a mixed feeling of helplessness, the desire to call out for help and the feeling that there are no solutions nor streaks of hope for what I am currently bearing on my shoulders. 

Depression is a deep struggle to hope and stay afloat.

     As I encounter a feeling of helplessness deep within, I slowly start to grasp the point that my finite amount of enthusiasm and anticipation is way below the critical level. This factor kills. The thoughts of sharing my feelings to my friends is a remote source of comfort and the idea of seeking help from someone else who is more competent offers no solace as well. As I look into this experience, isolation becomes my deadly nemesis that creeps deep within. It is like stretching out your hand to hold on to something that is seemingly is only a hologram of hope...which makes it more painful--realizing that all you have come to believe as lifelines are simple empty sacks filled with nothing but air and frustration.

     Deep within, despite the fact that I am an intellectual, nothing holds firm to a heart that is living with the termites of despair and emptiness. Lest a deeper spirit of love find its way into my mainstream consciousness, depression will still continue to loom.